, For my birthday I always love to receive flowering plants. Growing up we had a beautifully landscaped yard, filled with Egyptian iris, roses, and many other pickable, long-stemmed flowers. I looked forward to going out in the yard to see what kind of flower arrangement I could come up with for the house. Each one was unique; every week a new creation of beauty. At our new home, however, I have to start over. To be sure, it is a beautiful setting with the woods and mountains, but it started out with very few flowers. So for my birthdays I ask my family for flowers and more flowers to plant. Yesterday they brought me home a beautifully variegated dapple willow, sunset and white roses, along with a Japanese plum tree. I couldn’t be happier! Right now they are sitting in my living room, awaiting their new home. That home, though, is my next issue. It is all clay and highly acidic soil here. With clay, the plant roots become encased in a sun-baked pot of dirt which doesn’t drain or receive the water well. When watering, the water streams off and doesn’t sink into the ground. The hard soil rejects the life-giving water. In order to survive and thrive, I will need to dig out the old clay dirt and start over with fresh, nutrient rich topsoil that can receive the nurture and care necessary for the plants to thrive and rebloom. I was encouraged by my Bible app devotional for today, as it explained that the Hebrew word, “bara,” means to fashion or create (always with God as the subject) of heaven and earth, of man, of new circumstances of conditions, transformations, birth, something new, miracles. Our God was and is and shall always be a creating God. It is why we, as His image-bearers, find joy and pride in our gifts of creativity, whether that’s art, music, writing, building, gardening, or any number of work or hobbies. But while we always must use something He created to reform something of our design, He always makes something new and entirely good. From the beginning of our relationship with Jesus, He recreates us into a new and entirely good creation…completely NEW dirt from which to grow and bear fruit: “I will give you a NEW heart and put a NEW spirit in you! |
We own a fixer-upper. You wouldn't believe the great deal we got for our mountain property on 2.5 acres, 3000+ square feet. You would probably believe the great deal of time we have spent planning and working to finish up a never ending list of both remodeling and maintenance. One morning not too long after we had moved I had the bright idea of spending a week home as a "stay-cation." |
Unfortunately, for those of you who know what owning a general contracting business is like, it won't surprise you that by midday on the first day of our "stay-cation" he had received upward of 100 phone calls, not to mention the texts and emails he had responded to. I was absolutely fried. I had a terrible attitude. I was so mad. I had waited so long for this day and for our project to make some headway...I blew up at him.
Man, did the conviction of the Holy Spirit get to me after what I said. It's not a fun moment when you realize you've put your own agenda before loving your family, your hard-working husband and, by transference, God Himself.
When I read the story of Abram and Lot, I see myself caught in this moment—the moment of choice between choosing to survive—or to thrive. My agenda, or God's.
In this opening scene, we find that Abram and Lot, who is Abram's nephew, have been traveling together for quite some time, each with their herds and families and servants. But because their great amount of cattle and sheep took so much pasture land, they found that there just wasn't enough food to go around, and their servants had started arguing about who could have the pasture:
So Abram said to Lot, “Let’s not have any quarreling between you and me, or between your herders and mine, for we are close relatives. Is not the whole land before you? Let’s part company. If you go to the left, I’ll go to the right; if you go to the right, I’ll go to the left.” Lot looked around and saw that the whole plain of the Jordan toward Zoar was well watered, like the garden of the Lord, like the land of Egypt. (This was before the Lord destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah.) So Lot chose for himself the whole plain of the Jordan and set out toward the east. The two men parted company: Abram lived in the land of Canaan, while Lot lived among the cities of the plain and pitched his tents near Sodom. Now the people of Sodom were wicked and were sinning greatly against the Lord. Gen. 13:8-13
Lot had an agenda. So did Abram. They both wanted to be good businessmen and to take care of their families. There's nothing wrong with either of those goals. The difference was what each was willing to do to get their agenda.
I find that so often selfishness, or at least a self-focused way of thinking—what do I need, what does my family need, how can I get to my goals--trips me up in my desire to please God and love Him and others. It's not so much that I don't care about others, but I can get so focused on my own desires, goals, and needs that I place them above God's love and concern for other people who also have needs and desires.
Lot and Abram were both believers in God. They both tried to practice righteousness. They both tried to abstain from wickedness as far as they knew.
But Lot chose for himself what seemed to be the better plain. The one that promised riches. Promised popularity. Promised an easy life. But the promises were empty.
In fact, in 2 Peter the apostle Peter tells us that Lot was righteous, but that by living in Sodom in what he had thought would be a really fun lifestyle, he “was oppressed by the filthy conduct of the wicked (for that righteous man, dwelling among them, tormented his righteous soul from day to day by seeing and hearing their lawless deeds)" 2 Peter 2:7-8.
Lot had built up a kingdom for himself that was made only of flammable materials: when the judgment day came it completely burnt up what he had built until only he himself was able to be saved. When the angels came, he was forced to choose to either save his own life or die staying with his empty wealth.
The Apostle Paul explains how this relates to our personal life as believers and how we serve the church Body together:
So if Lot chose to build with wood, hay or straw, with what did Abram build?
In chapter 14 we find that even before the angels come to destroy the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah, the cities faced a war. The four kings of the tribes around them joined together to attack them in the Valley of Siddim. The kings of Sodom and Gomorrah, Admah, Zeboiim and Zoar lost and their people were taken as captives, including Lot and his family, and their possessions were looted.
Abram's immediate response was to rally his 318 men and go to fight the winning king to take back the people and possessions. He split his men at night and attacked and pursued them, bringing back all the people and the goods.
The next thing that happens I think is key to understanding Abram's different perspective on true wealth. Both the king of Sodom and Melchizedek, King of Salem went to meet Abram. By the law of conquest, every person and all property would belong to Abram and would be at his disposal to deal with however he pleased:
He was the priest of God Most High. And He blessed him and said:
“Blessed be Abram of God Most High,
Possessor of heaven and earth;
And blessed be God Most High,
Who has delivered your enemies into your hand.”
And [Abram] gave him a tithe of all.
Now the king of Sodom said to Abram, “Give me the persons, and take the goods for yourself.”
But Abram said to the king of Sodom, “I have raised my hand to the Lord, God Most High, the Possessor of heaven and earth, that I will take nothing, from a thread to a sandal strap, and that I will not take anything that is yours, lest you should say, ‘I have made Abram rich’—except only what the young men have eaten, and the portion of the men who went with me: Aner, Eshcol, and Mamre; let them take their portion.” Gen. 14:18-24
Though it doesn't outline a distinct conversation, either Melchizedek told Abram God's instructions about not taking the riches of Sodom or Abram simply had a strong heart conviction from God. Either way, Abram was not only willing to give God back His own tithe, but also to depend solely on the Lord's provision for his future needs.
This simple action of trust and obedience is what made a distinction between Abram and Lot:
Abram went back to living a hard life in the desert, waiting for the promises of God to be fulfilled in God's own way and time.
Lot went back to Sodom.
I know that I believe in Christ to be my savior, and I know that He has forgiven me and gives me grace to walk in righteousness and to grow in grace. But I want more than that. I want to build for His kingdom in such a way that there is something left after it all goes through the fire of the Judgment Day. I want there to be something left worth going through the challenges of this life. In my day to day decisions, I want there to be gold.
When my child comes down to “talk” at 11:30pm, am I willing to listen and free myself for however God would want to use that conversation?
When my husband calls me and asks to stay out late helping another person with the broken tree limbs hanging over their home, can I give my plans of comfort time to God, and take on the extra responsibilities of putting the kids to bed by myself?
When God asks me to give my spending money to care for strangers in need, would I be willing to give that up?
I'll be honest, both the little things and the big things are a daily challenge for me. It is much easier for me to abstain from doing evil things than it is to give Jeff the better cup of coffee. True story.
If we are to build using gold, silver and costly stones, it is going to cost us.
I would encourage you and myself, however, to put our trust in our God Most High, the Possessor of Heaven and Earth: He is the One who will abundantly and richly satisfy both our needs now and will give us a reward that can't be even imagined:
“Eye has not seen, nor ear heard,
Nor have entered into the heart of man
The things which God has prepared
for those who love Him.”
1 Cor. 2:9
Betrayal. It comes to all of us. In some way, we all encounter those deep and anguishing betrayals from people we have trusted. We can all feel that it has become a very cold time in the last few years, and divisiveness in church and out of the church, has increased. We see rampant anger, bitterness, hatred, violence, slander, and deep pain, and in all of these things we find the symptoms of betrayal. |
Betrayal comes from close family. Parents. Church family. Colleagues and associates at work. Best friends. Authority figures. Children. Spouses.
As King David lamented, “If an enemy were insulting me, I could endure it; if a foe were rising against me, I could hide. But it is you, a man like myself, my companion, my close friend, with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship at the house of God, as we walked about among the worshipers.” Psalm 55:12-14
David was saying that "it wouldn't hurt so much, it wouldn't feel like a betrayal, if you had been my enemy." We expect that from our enemies. We have our guards up. We even plan on how to evade or avoid pain inflicted from people we distrust.
But when we have gone through those steps from acquaintance to friend to close or intimate relationship--when we have lived with our families through the joys and pains of birthdays, sicknesses, breakups, financial hardships and even the loss of shared loved ones, then the sting of betrayal bites deep, and hangs on.
So how do we get out of the grip of betrayal? How do we plan for and prevent the damage that can come from betrayal?
We all know what happens if we are exposed to freezing temperatures for too long—we can go into shock, lose parts of our extremities due to a lack of circulation, and become disoriented. We can find it very hard to make good decisions, and may generate risk-taking behaviors. We often aren't even aware that we are experiencing hypothermia. Our bodies tend to retreat into ourselves, and we just want to go to sleep. We want to be left alone. Left untreated, these conditions can lead to complete failure of our hearts.
Just as these are the physical symptoms of intense cold, I find these to be the spiritual symptoms we experience when we go into betrayal unprepared, without the right spiritual coats.
So how can we be prepared, or if we didn't start out prepared, if a lot of damage has already been done to us, what can we do to heal and bring our hearts back up to a healthy temperature?
Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.
For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.
When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory."
Col 1:1-4
My husband is a general contractor. One year, and this is actually pretty common, we were taken advantage of by a very large contractor. We were never paid for most of the job, so we lost around $100,000. We still had to pay our employees and the subs.
I had a number of severe health emergencies at the time, surrounding my pregnancy, and we were also looking at high medical bills. My husband pleaded with the contractor to pay us, but he was unwilling. This lasted for a year of work, during which time we went into a year's worth of debt. This one was particularly hard. We needed to feed our family. It would have been so very easy to sink into hatred for this man who was causing all of us so much suffering.
But two things enabled me to get through that time until God would, really miraculously, deliver us out of all of those things.
Whenever I would become overwhelmed, which was multiple times a day, I would retreat in my soul right into Christ, and just hide there in Him. I would only allow myself to focus on His goodness surrounding and protecting me. I would focus on His Lordship and His power. There wasn't anything He couldn't do to protect me in my painful circumstances or to rescue me out of them. And in His good timing, He would do both.
There have been times when betrayals are so deep that it is hard to pray for God's blessings for that person. In the case with the contractor, it really wasn't that hard. But at other times, it has been really difficult. It's hard for me when I feel that the betrayer doesn't deserve any blessing and it hurts to think that they would get good out of what they did to me. One thing that has made it easier for me is understanding the concept of blessing in the Bible.
You see, according to the Bible, when we give a blessing to someone who never does deserve it, in other words, they never repent, they never change, then the blessing can't “stick” to them. Instead, it comes back on our own heads to bless us even more. (Prov. 10:6; Proverbs 26:2, Matt 10:13). However, if they do change, we also are blessed because we are participating in Christ's work of salvation in their lives. Whatever they choose, we receive more blessing from God when we choose to bless.
immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry.
Because of these, the wrath of God is coming.
You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived.
But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these:
anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips.
Col 3:5-8
When other people betray, sometimes it's truly unintentional. I can't tell you how often I have realized later the hurt I have caused other people without knowing or trying to. Life is full of misunderstandings and miscommunications. But it's also full of us messing up and giving into our own anger, rage, gossip, and even slander. Sometimes we have discovered ourselves to have been the betrayer and we have needed the mercy. I know that's certainly true in my life.
There was one time when someone I had very much trusted spoke some slanderous things about me to others and to me. It was a deeply painful experience.
After I drove away from this experience, I was telling the Lord how I felt about this. In front of me a vehicle was driving, and I noticed their bumper sticker: “The Armor of God,” it read. I laughed, and said, “Lord, which part?” He impressed on my heart that I needed the breastplate of His righteousness to guard my heart from the fiery arrows of accusation.
You see, the accusations that had been leveled at me included some things I had confessed to struggling against in a private prayer time with this person, as my trusted friend. It had even been leveled at me to prove their point: I had confessed that I struggled in this area, so what they were saying about me must be true.
This is how the devil likes to accuse us. He likes to take something that has some truth in it, expand it, and try to convince us that we are as far beyond redemption as he has made our case out to be.
I can't say that those accusations didn't continue to come back at me for some time, but I did find that as I placed the breastplate of the Lord's righteousness on my heart, that my value to and righteousness before God wasn't based on my own perfection and sinlessness, but rather on Jesus' own righteousness that He had given me.
Is it true that I struggle with temptations and sometimes give into them? Absolutely. In this particular case, whenever I neglected to apply the breastplate, I found myself back in pain and confusion. And when I was back in that pain, I would find that I would use my words to hurt my husband. I would accuse him of not protecting me. I would find ways that it was somehow his fault. I found that I would deeply hurt him, because I was hurting.
But while I don't practice sin on purpose, the reality is that my redemption and value is not based on those things that I've done that are under the blood of Christ. This took out a lot of the bite that the words had, and enabled me to deal with healing, as well as to see how I was perpetuating the hurt on to the next person in my life.
This part, seeing my own weakness, was crucial to seeing the pain of the person that had hurt me. It enabled me to hope for both compassion for myself as well as for them.
Admitting that we all have sinned and need God's forgiveness takes us to being able to forgive others for their shortcomings.
When we forgive, it is a canceling of the debt. They don't need to pay it back. God will still judge, He will still sort it out, but I don't need to go exact my debt from them. I can leave it in the hands of a loving God who knows it all and is the only one who can figure out what is best.
I find that when I have forgiven someone, even sincerely, it can be easy to put the burden of their debt back on them when I am being tempted to relive the bitterness of the past. This is a symptom that I need to forgive again. To forgive as the Lord forgave me...completely, once and for all, and keeping no record.
clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.
Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love,
which binds them all together in perfect unity.
Col 3:12-14
There was one time where someone accused me, very inaccurately, of something that was very wrong. It was to the entire church, but privately, and without my presence, so that I couldn't deny it or set the matter straight.
The situation got worse as people called my husband, rather than me, to express deep disappointment in him for allowing me to get involved in what they were assuming I had.
It came to the point when I was crying out to the Lord, just for safety. When some people decided to confront us personally, I felt afraid. I got to my knees and prayed, asking God to protect me. Immediately I received a text that the person had fallen gravely ill and could not longer meet.
I hadn't anticipated God answering my prayer in that way. But I could also see that He was doing something better and deeper than I could have imagined. He had given me an opportunity to love my enemy.
My husband and I prayed about the situation, and decided to contribute financial help to them in their need. We sent a loving email, expressing our desire to help and pray for them during this time. We also prayed for their health, truly and sincerely hoping for God to somehow resolve the situation and restore the relationship.
God did heal them. But more than that, he healed our relationship. Without my having to defend myself in any way, they offered sincere and heartfelt apologies for the way they had treated the situation and the hurt they had caused us.
At that point, by forgiving, praying, blessing and choosing actions of love to them, our hearts were already following where we were putting our treasure, as Jesus promised (Matt 6:21). We wanted good for them, and we wanted a restored relationship.
This is the love that binds our hearts in unity in Jesus.
I can't say that every relationship and every betrayal has been restored in my life. I have a few that are achingly unfinished works God as far as what I can see. But I can say that following God's plan for staying warm in the freezing season of betrayal keeps my heart loving people and loving God. It clears my heart of the bitterness and anger and resentment that wants to set up its home inside of me. And it enables me to keep receiving the abundant love and mercy of God.
It keeps my heart warm.
It doesn't seem to matter in our household whether they have just eaten a full meal, had multiple snacks, and are awaiting dinner coming out of the oven momentarily--they still want something to eat.
Yesterday, my husband came home with some protein and snack bars. Shortly after, my youngest son, who is five, came bouncing and dancing down the stairs to me, one of the snack bars in his hand. Still cavorting, he made his plea (moments before dinner time, I would add): could he have the bar? Knowing that he has especial difficulty with a “no” response when he is hungry, but further knowing that he would struggle to eat whatever was healthy of his dinner if I acquiesced to his pleas, I thought I came up with a great idea. I told him that he could hide the bar for snack time tomorrow.
You see, in a house of seven kids, you never know if the food item you want so badly will be there if you wait. Maybe someone else will take it, and by the time you have patiently waited for it comes, it may be gone, with no trace of evidence for who might have indulged.
My son was very pleased with this idea, and happily went running off to find the perfect hiding spot where no one could find his anticipated treat.
This morning my husband stopped on his way out of our closet, and noticed our empty metal laundry basket, sitting on the concrete floor against the wall. Behind it, and clearly showing through it, were the bright red and orange colors of the wrapped snack.
Hiding in plain sight.
In his little five year old brain, this was sufficient. As adults, we can clearly see that his hiding place and method were not sufficient to keep others from finding them, but sometimes we, if we're honest, find ourselves doing the same thing. Hiding in plain sight.
I have been reading through the Genesis narrative, the Creation, and the garden of Eden. This morning, I had come to the story of the Fall. Adam and Eve had been placed in a perfect garden, full of beauty, joy, and full satisfaction. There was not a single need that was not filled. The couple enjoyed the very Presence of God every day. God had given them one commandment only: They were not to eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, or they would die.
The serpent came to Eve, and in this timeless story, beguiles her into eating the fruit. He tells her that God is holding out on her. He tells her that she needs this, and tries to convince her that she is not satisfied or complete without having both this beneficial fruit, as well as the special knowledge that comes with it.
Eve justified to herself that the fruit would satisfy her bodily appetite (good for food), regardless of the fact that all of her bodily appetites were already met. She told herself that it satisfied her desire for beauty (though she had been surrounded by beauty). She convinced herself that it would give her knowledge to control, as she assumed, her own destiny (rather than trust her Creator to provide), she took it and ate it, and gave it also too her husband, Adam, to eat.
When they ate it, the Scripture says that “the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together, and made for themselves coverings.” Gen. 3:7.
They traded wholeness, satisfaction, and security in an all-powerful, all-good and all-knowing God for a lie. A lie that left an emptiness, exposure and an acute realization of their need and hunger for all things from that point forward. No longer were they satisfied. No longer were they warm and well fed. No longer could they delight in the beauty that they had. Now, they would be constantly craving their needs for food, shelter, clothing, sexual appetites, beauty, knowledge, and security.
Their eyes were opened.
Since that day, there is not a one of us who hasn't fallen for the same lie. We have all left the God-given gifts of provision, beauty and future that He created us to have in Him to pursue our own covetousness appetites.
We have all “exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things, rather than the Creator.”
And it's so easy to do!
King Solomon had everything. He spent his lifetime building up knowledge, wisdom, wealth, wives, food, armies, security, palaces, and a reputation that spanned the globe. In Ecclesiastes, though, we find that the only result was that he proved to himself and to the rest of us that none of this inner craving can ever be satisfied even with a lifetime of pursuit. “Vanity of vanities, all is vanity,” he said. It's all worthless. It doesn't fill the inner need. “...the eyes of man are never satisfied.” Prov. 27:20b
We find that pursuing our goals, ambitions, and even needs are an endless occupation. A constant striving within our contexts at which we never “arrive.”
And then, as we look around us and find our focus zeroing in on what we lack, we “sew for ourselves fig leaves,” temporary and grossly insufficient ways to protect and cover ourselves from what we have no control to change or prevent.
We try to save up our monies in our investments, to ward off poverty. We gather friends from our acquaintances, to ward off loneliness. We seek intimate relationships to fill an unsatisfiable craving for intimacy, sexuality, and companionship. We collect household items, makeup, and clothing to try to satisfy our craving for beauty. We collect toys or tv subscriptions to ward off boredom. We seek addictive substances to dull the emptiness and to help us forget our pain and dissatisfaction with life. We even try to do good things to cover our shame and substitute good for the wrong we have done. But none of these “fig leaves” cover us.
and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags;
we all shrivel up like a leaf,
and like the wind our sins sweep us away.”
Isaiah 64:6
So we hide. Our guilt at our own rejection of the goodness and provision of a loving God seeks a hiding spot. Using His own provisions with which He has surrounded us, we retreat from His presence, hoping to escape the disappointed eye and just condemnation that must surely follow our rejection of His good gifts. Hoping to blend in, camouflaged from the “eyes of Him to whom all must give an account.” Heb. 4:13
But just like my dear little son's idea of a hiding spot, so is our pathetic attempt to hide from His Presence!
declares the Lord,
“and not a God far away?
Who can hide in secret places
so that I cannot see them?”
declares the Lord.
“Do not I fill heaven and earth?”
declares the Lord.
Jeremiah 23:23-24
No, this candy was found by me, and I was determined to hold on to my findings. He ran immediately to tell Grandma, who, at my denial and our subsequent fighting, most likely felt out of her element to unravel the justice of the story. So I remember that she sent us both to sit on the davenport. I thought she must mean the front porch, and after some confused looks and questions, she explained that “davenport” meant the sofa.
We both dutifully sat down on either end of that davenport. I kept very quiet and studied to keep an innocent face while Grandma talked to us. But as soon as she left the room, I took the sofa pillow that was on my side, and buried my face behind it. My brother, sensing my guilt, and knowing my devious mind, immediately changed his voice pitch to a higher octave, and called incessantly to Grandma, hoping desperately to have her come and catch me in the act, justifying his claim. When she walked into the room, I once again pulled my face out of the pillow, to face his accusations with innocence. I didn't know that the chocolate spread out over my face betrayed my guilt to the eyes of my Grandma.
Our hiding from God is a hiding in plain sight. He sees all, and He knows all. “And there is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are naked and open to the eyes of Him to whom we must give account.” Heb. 4:13
But just as with Adam and Eve, He comes to us in our sin. He draws near, because He still loves and cares for us. He knows that we have “all sinned and are fallen short of the glory of God.” In His love, He wants to freely justify us with His grace, with the blood covering of the sacrifice of His Son, Jesus.
As Paul told the Gentiles in Acts 17:27, “God intended that they would seek Him and perhaps reach out for Him and find Him, though He is not far from each one of us.” He comes close, and He calls you by name. “Adam, where are you?”
He knows where you are today. He knows what you've done. He sees you in your pathetic attempts to cover your shame, failures, and sin. He has watched you try to find satisfaction in everything He knows can never give you what you crave.
Jesus comes near to you, and He calls you.
“Where are you?”
Your Creator made you for one ultimate, satisfying, intimate and every-need-fulfilling relationship with Him. He draws near and calls you out of your sin, because He intends for you to seek him, reach out to Him, and find him.
God's love for us in our sin is to great that He chose to demonstrate it in the deepest way possible. “But God demonstrated His own love for us in this, that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8. Jesus, God in flesh, came down to dwell with us, to walk with us, and to draw near to us. Jesus said of His own sacrificial reaching, “But I, if I be lifted up, will draw all men to myself.”
God didn't leave Adam and Eve hiding, naked, in the bushes. They chose to walk out of their sin, out of their hiding, and to place themselves under God's judgment. The good God who could have justly condemned them forever, instead made a sacrifice to clothe them, and gave them a promise of His final redemption through Jesus' blood that they could look forward to in hope.
I used to think that their banishment from the garden, and from the Tree of Life, was only a further punishment. But now I know that it was the beautiful, loving mercy of God. It symbolized the promise that He would protect them from living for eternity with the shame and brokenness of the past. Instead, they would live out this life, and then shed their bodies for a new life in Him that could never be broken again.
Just as God made a blood sacrifice in the Garden to clothe them, He provided a blood sacrifice for us in Jesus. Jesus' blood is our covering, our clothing, that brings us back into a full and restored relationship with an intimate and loving God. Rather than “setting our minds on earthly things,” which can never really cover our shame or satisfy our craving, through His blood we are now “hidden with Christ in God.” Colossians 3:2-3
Through Jesus' blood, we are no longer hiding in sin, we are now hidden in God.
But what about our earthly needs? Oh, He knows! Our “heavenly Father knows that we need all these things.” Matt. 6:28-34. As we seek His righteousness and His kingdom first, He provides all that we truly need in His perfect timing and perfect way, but without the emptiness and pain that comes from seeking our own way. “The blessing of the LORD makes one rich, And He adds no sorrow with it.” Prov. 10:22.
I have known too often the painful labor and sorrow that comes with trying to build my own kingdom apart from His. But the richness of life in His Presence, is something that cannot be taken away or marred, no matter what my circumstances or surroundings are.
So what will you do with the Presence of God?
When you sense His approach, when you hear His voice calling you out of your worthless shame, guilt and pursuits, will you come out of your hiding? Will you let Him replace your fig leaves with His righteousness?
Will you let Him restore you to a relationship that satisfies your every desire?
| The Lord upholds all who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down. The eyes of all look to You, and You give them their food at the proper time. You open Your hand and satisfy the desires of every living thing. The Lord is righteous in all His ways and faithful in all He does. The Lord is near to all who call on Him, to all who call on Him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear Him; He hears their cry and saves them. The Lord watches over all who love Him, but all the wicked He will destroy. Psalm 145:14-20 |
It would be wonderful if I could understand a principle of God's character in one moment, and never find myself questioning that principle in another. Sometimes my response is so much more godly than at other times. Some days are easy to walk in faith and simple trust and rest in God's plan for my life, and other days are much more difficult, even when dealing with the same part of my story.
I thank God that He uses both to teach us and to share our lessons with others!
A few years back, when our children were all very little, I was expecting our last baby. My husband's construction business was small and much more fragile (although it still feels small and fragile to us!). With construction business failure rates at 53% on average, and rising statistically every year in business, it was an intimidating task, even with as much experience as my husband had.
At the time we were in a personal business recession, finding that as our company grew, so did our overhead, and it became difficult to bid low enough to compete in the construction market while still paying our employees with their families enough to adequately provide.
Stretched to our limit, we searched for bids that could potentially keep us afloat, and our employees paid.
It was during this time that a contractor took advantage of us. This is very typical in the construction industry, whether with homeowners, subs, employees, or contractors. We ended up with a large contract that took the entire summer to complete, non-payment of the contract, promises to help that were never realized, and a debt that ate up an entire years' income. By the time our baby was born, with his emergency c-section and NICU expenses to pay, we were upwards of $100,000 in debt.
It was a long year, and it was hard not to feel that gut nausea most days, wondering if the Lord really would provide for us as He promises to, or if somehow we were messing things up and He would leave us in that mess.
We prayed a lot, and some days our prayers were more like inward groans.
And God heard our prayers.
After the birth of our last baby, the Lord gave us a bid that had a mistake in their blueprints, though we didn't know it at the time of the bid. My husband bid it according to the blueprints, and then they cut out some of the blueprint requirements that were not necessary to code. If you know general contracting in commercial departments, you know that the bid often remains the bid, regardless of errors made with the engineer or architect.
Because of that error, we ended up with enough to pay back everything we had owed. It was a blatant and joyful deliverance by God, and one that I never expected and will never forget. In my mind, I set up an Ebenezer, to remind myself of God's faithfulness in my need.
You would think that I wouldn't need that constant reminder, but I find myself frequently needing to go back to that and many others stones of remembrance in my life in order to have faithful actions in my next season.
This morning was one such moment. Last summer our family and home survived the Beatchie Creek wildfires in Oregon, for which we praise God! Months later, though, we are still dealing with a lack of a kitchen coupled with an insurance company that doesn't wish to pay out all the expenses of an expense fire claim in order for us to restore our kitchen cabinets and flooring.
As a homeschooling mother with so many children, I find this situation to be very stressful. As an added element, we don't have any assurances as how long or even if we will be able to restore our home to functionality.
So once again, I could feel the anxiety rising up in me. But God is so good. He knows how to correct our faulty focus. As I turned in my devotions this morning to 1 Samuel 8, God convicted my heart about my need for an focus adjustment.
The story takes place during the time of the judges, before any kings in Israel. Samuel had been righteously judging the people since his boyhood, but his sons were becoming corrupt and taking bribes (1 Samuel 8:4-5). In addition, the Israelites were facing the threat of the Ammonites and war (1 Samuel 12:12).
Rather than ask for Samuel to discipline or replace his sons with godly judges, the people felt that the entire system was at fault, and if they could only have a different system and a different leader, specifically, like those of the other nations, their enemies, then their problems would be solved.
When we find ourselves facing oppression within and without,
it is a temptation to focus on fixing the system rather than to fix our focus.
Part of my struggle with our situation was feeling like I needed to find a way to make our insurance company do what they are contracted to do, rather than go to God to provide for our needs. When we were being taken advantage of before, we were too little and too small to ever make such a large company pay us. We had no resources for court or attorneys. But when we relied on God, He provided for us regardless of others' right or wrong choices.
I see this happening with our government systems all the time. On social media and news we see so much anger, resentment and fear at this or that unjust or corrupt system or person with authority. We sometimes feel that if we could just switch out the system for a “better” one, or the person in charge for someone we feel is less corrupt, then our problems would be solved.
While voting and trying to improve or reform our country's systems is a good and worthwhile thing to do, we must come to understand that the corruption and problems with our system and systems of authority are only symptoms of a heart issue with us as a people.
God may and does use government authority and systems to bless and administer justice, but He is not limited by them. He often loves to choose what we think least able to help or provide to be the way that He takes care of us and shows His glory and power.
When the people came to Samuel in chapter 8, they made their excuses. They asked for a replacement. And Samuel was upset.
But the thing displeased Samuel when they said, “Give us a king to judge us.” 1 Sam 8:6
Samuel wasn't offended that they would bring up his children's sins. He was upset that they wanted to change the judge system for a monarchy like all the other nations. He knows that he has served them faithfully and without taking a bribe, and yet the people have decided not to trust him or God to deal justly with his sons' corruption. At Saul's coronation, Samuel protests this ill treatment of his decades of service:
...I am old and gray-headed, and look, my sons are with you. I have walked before you from my childhood to this day. Here I am. Witness against me before the Lord...: Whose ox have I taken, or whose donkey have I taken, or whom have I cheated? Whom have I oppressed, or from whose hand have I received any bribe with which to blind my eyes? I will restore it to you.” And they said, “You have not cheated us or oppressed us, nor have you taken anything from any man’s hand.” 1 Samuel 12:2-4
Regardless, rather than stay angry or bitter at their rejection, Samuel had learned to take his frustrations to God. When he prayed, the Lord told him to let the people have their king and monarchy, because they were not rejecting Samuel's service, but rather God's. He reminded Samuel of the Israelite's tendency to forsake Him and turn to other gods to give them prosperity and security, and that they were simply doing this again.
He does give Samuel two more instructions: he is to solemnly forewarn them and he is to tell them what a king will do to them (1 Samuel 8:1-9).
In Deuteronomy God had given a prediction of this very event in demading a future king, and given laws and warnings for the monarchy when it would happen (Deut. 17:14-17). As we see about the laws governing slaves, polygamy and divorce, it wasn't that these ideas and a monarchy were how God originally created the world in goodness, but rather a set of governances to check the power of sin for a world that would, in their hardness of heart, choose things that went against God's original heart intent to do good for mankind (Matthew 19:8).
At Saul's coronation, Samuel obeyed the Lord's instructions. He reminded them of God's faithfulness in His deliverance out of Egypt. He reminded them of God's faithfulness with Gideon against Commander Sisera. He reminded them of their very own need in Samuel's story for God's salvation, when they had turned away from the Philistine idolatry to plead for God's deliverance from the Philistines, and of God's faithfulness to send the judges to rescue them from their enemies every time they returned with genuine repentance to the Lord:
And the Lord sent Jerubbaal, Bedan, Jephthah, and Samuel, and delivered you out of the hand of your enemies on every side; and you dwelt in safety. And when you saw that Nahash king of the Ammonites came against you, you said to me, ‘No, but a king shall reign over us,’ when the Lord your God was your king.
Their sin was in asking for a king because they no longer trusted in God to protect or prosper them. They believed that their oppression was a result of an inadequate leadership system, the judges and of Samuel's corrupt sons, rather than a need for repentance and sincere seeking of God on their own part. They replaced the Philistine idol worship of the previous generation with an idolatrous monarchical worship. While the previous generation had worshiped the idols of their enemies the Philistines, this generation wanted to worship and set up for themselves a replication of their enemies' monarchies.
We worship by serving and trusting in any thing or one
we believe will supply us with provision and security.
In my own heart, I have noticed that when my anxiety levels rise it is a good symptom, much like our bodies' nervous system with pain, to let me know of a deeper problem that needs to be fixed. Whether it is anxiety, depression, anger, frustration, bitterness, and many more negative emotions, if we bring those feelings or wrong reactions to the Lord, His Spirit is faithful to show us the deeper heart issue that the symptom is exposing. The circumstances only allow us to have an ideal condition in which whatever is in our hearts comes to the surface.
In 1 Samuel 12, Samuel obeyed God's instruction by reminding the people that no leadership system will supply them with safety and security without the people sincerely serving and obeying God's voice. If they obeyed God, whether with a king, or with a judge, they would be able to count on God's help. Conversely, without obedience to the Lord, they would be oppressed by both their enemies and their king, putting them in an even more difficult position, since a king would have much more power and authority to hurt them than had any judge.
“Now therefore, here is the king whom you have chosen and whom you have desired. And take note, the Lord has set a king over you. If you fear the Lord and serve Him and obey His voice, and do not rebel against the commandment of the Lord, then both you and the king who reigns over you will continue following the Lord your God. However, if you do not obey the voice of the Lord, but rebel against the commandment of the Lord, then the hand of the Lord will be against you, as it was against your fathers. 1 Samuel 12:13-15
When we are obedient to serve and worship only God,
He will be our Helper no matter what.
At that point in Samuel's rebuke, I hope I would have wanted to take back my request. Sometimes God gives us this opportunity to take back our demands when we repent, but sometimes he lets us walk out the consequences of our own requests because we aren't changing our wrong heart focus: “He gave them their request, but sent leanness into their soul.” Psalm 106:15
After inaugurating Saul as king, Samuel informed the people that they would see God's power and control over the whole universe. It was during the time of the harvest, and the voice of God sent thunder and rain, which would have destroyed their crops.
The people greatly feared the Lord and Samuel, and realized their error. They asked for Samuel to pray for them for the sin of rejecting God as their king and demanding a king to replace Him (1 Samuel 12:16-19).
God had mercy on His people, and Samuel told them not to be afraid. They had sinned greatly, but if they served the Lord with all their heart, He would still help them:
...And do not turn aside; for then you would go after empty things which cannot profit or deliver, for they are nothing. For the Lord will not forsake His people, for His great name’s sake, because it has pleased the Lord to make you His people. Moreover, as for me, far be it from me that I should sin against the Lord in ceasing to pray for you; but I will teach you the good and the right way. Only fear the Lord, and serve Him in truth with all your heart; for consider what great things He has done for you. But if you still do wickedly, you shall be swept away, both you and your king.” 1 Samuel 12:20-25
On the surface, this seems like such a simple, uncomplicated commandment, but I find it quite difficult! I even notice that little things, like a stove, or a laptop or printer becoming non functional when I think I need them, show where I am placing my true dependence. When I become irritable or impatient, I can trace those feelings back to on what or who I am placing my trust.
When my kids fail to “perform” in public or at the grocery store, and display my parenting weaknesses to all, I can be challenged to place my reputation, identity and self-worth back where it belongs—in God's hands. When someone I am counting on is late or doesn't keep their commitments, I find that I am challenged to remember that it is God who is my provision and my source of joy and rest. When my vacation plans fall through, and God's provision of rest comes in less “fun” methods than I would prefer, it can challenge my focus.
I do find, though, that the Lord will “fix my focus” when I obey Him by considering all the deliverance God has given me in the past, and realizing that the God I serve is still all powerful, still loves me and will continue to help me.
When we consider the great things God has done for us,
He fixes our focus for the future!
The Apostle Paul, when speaking of his many sufferings and difficulties in ministry, used this same concept of considering what great things the Lord had done for him in order to walk in faith for current and future suffering:
For we do not want you to be ignorant, brethren, of our trouble which came to us in Asia: that we were burdened beyond measure, above strength, so that we despaired even of life. Yes, we had the sentence of death in ourselves, that we should not trust in ourselves but in God who raises the dead, who delivered us from so great a death, and does deliver us; in whom we trust that He will still deliver us, you also helping together in prayer for us, that thanks may be given by many persons on our behalf for the gift granted to us through many. 2 Corinthians 1:8-11
What is it for you? What or who do you find yourself focusing upon or serving? What symptoms can you identify that will help identify a wrong focus? What deliverance has God given you in your past that you can consider?
1 Samuel 12:24
Breakfast smells were wafting up the stairs, and the sound of kids stirring about the house getting ready for the school day reached us.
In front of her lay the contents of her entire dresser, dirty laundry, and toy chest. The bookshelves also had had their contents strewn about the floor. Since the first task of the day in our home is to tidy our rooms before heading down to breakfast, she knew that there was no getting out of the project. And yet it overwhelmed her.
Sitting down with her, I let her lean against me for a few moments, burying her face and escaping reality for a little longer.
In the land of Israel during the time of the Judges, the people faced a similar dilemma, but with much more serious implications. They had just been defeated before their enemies the Philistines. Contrary to wisdom, they had brought the Ark of God into the battle, and what they thought would be His forced Presence and victory. But since they had been refusing to change their actions in repentance, God would not hear them.
Instead, the Philistines routed the Israelites, captured the Ark, and jubilantly carried it away. In chapter 6, we see that because of the Philistines' own sin and idolatry, maintaining the Ark in their land only brought judgment, so they sent it back to the land of Israel on an ox-led cart.
When the Israelite men of Beth Shemesh found it, they were so curious that they wanted to look inside it, totally disregarding the Law (Numbers 4:15). When they did so, God struck down 50,070 people. They responded:
“Who is “Who is able to stand before this holy Lord God? And to whom shall it go up from us?” So they sent messengers to the inhabitants of Kirjath Jearim, saying, “The Philistines have brought back the ark of the Lord; come down and take it up with you.” Then the men of Kirjath Jearim came and took the ark of the Lord, and brought it into the house of Abinadab on the hill, and consecrated Eleazar his son to keep the ark of the Lord. So it was that the ark remained in Kirjath Jearim a long time; it was there twenty years. And all the house of Israel lamented after the Lord.1 Samuel 6:20-7:2
They knew God was powerful. They knew what he required. But rather than getting rid of the things that caused His righteous judgment so that they could have His Presence and help, they became afraid of a God who had that much power. They went from disrespect for His holiness to terror, deprivation and separation.
Sin leads us to oppression, terror, and despair, and separation.
Over twenty years' time, though, God was still working on their hearts. Oppressed by their enemies, depressed by their constant defeat and captivity, their hearts began to long for the saving Presence of the only One would had the power to change any of it.
In Hebrew, the word, “lament,” means to wail and groan. They were finally coming to a sincere acknowledgment of their sin and need for the Lord to have their full hearts. They were now recognizing their need to be “heard by God.”
In 1 Samuel 1, we find that God had already started the process of redemption when he gave Hannah a little boy who she named Samuel, which means, “God has heard.” God always anticipates repentance with a calling. He knows how to bring repentance about, and He anticipates that by calling those who will be ready to show the way back to Him when we are ready. Samuel, who had walked in obedience to God from boyhood, was ready to call them to the freedom, blessing and Presence that he had experienced throughout his life:
Then Samuel spoke to all the house of Israel, saying, “If you return to the Lord with all your hearts, there put away the foreign gods and the Ashtoreths from among you, and prepare your hearts for the Lord, and serve Him only; and He will deliver you from the hand of the Philistines.” So the children of Israel put away the Baals and the Ashtoreths, and served the Lord only. 1 Samuel 7:3-4
What is interesting to me here, is that the very idols they were serving and trusting in were the idols of their enemies that they were being oppressed by, the Philistines. In those times, and I think this is true today, they felt that if there was dominating military or economic power, it was due to their gods giving them success. So in fear or in desire for prosperity, they would try to mimic the worship of the idols of whatever nations were prospering, especially if if was an enemy of whom they were afraid.
When we come to Jesus Christ to ask for salvation from our enemy, sin, death and the devil, we can't be heard by God until we put away our worship of those very things. For us, idolatrous worship of our enemies looks like serving our lusts and appetites so that we can be successful in possessions, secure in finances, reputation or job positions. It looks like reacting out of fear of death or suffering or rejection by choosing sin to gain this security and relationship. Lies, treachery, divorce, slander, theft, drug use, adultery, fighting, these are ways that we dishonor God and prevent Him from hearing us and giving us victory over the very things we fear and are enslaved to. The result is that we lose will not hear us: “If I regard sin in my heart, the Lord will not hear.” Psalm 66:18
In 1 John 1:9, though, we find the promise that “if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” Because of Jesus' death on the cross for our sins and resurrection from the dead for our new life in Him, “through death He [destroyed] him who had the power of death, that is, the devil, and release[ed] those who through fear of death were all their lifetime subject to bondage.” Hebrews 2:15
What beautiful gospel news! We can choose to despise and disrespect God, and live without Him in captivity to sin and death; we can choose to fear God and judgment, and remain in our sin and terror; or we can choose to turn away from useless idols that cannot save or hear to the living God who wants to both hear us and save us from our bondage and fear!
The good news of repentance through Jesus
frees us to dwell in relationship with a God who hears and saves.
But the good news is not the end, there is still some “house cleaning” that God wants to get done before we are ready to face our enemies on the battlefield. God doesn't just want to bring us into relationship with Him, He wants to restore us to abundant and victorious living!
After a few moments of sitting with my little girl in her messy room, we got up together and I stayed with her. I had never expected her to clean the entire mess on her own. At her age level, I knew she needed my constant help to not give up and to know how to sort it all out. We worked together to put the toys away. The books got sorted and put on the shelves, ready to be enjoyed again.
Since she enjoys smelling things so much, I gave her the job of smelling and examining the clothing to see where it would belong—the dresser or the dirty laundry pile. We took the load of laundry down, washed it, folded it, and put it back into the dresser.
Why did we do all of that work? Why not just leave the dirty clothes on the floor? As parents the answer is easy, but our kids still need to learn it: When it is washed and folded and put away properly, it is ready to be used.
Samuel knew this too. Even though the people had put away their idols, there was still so much that had not been resolved in relationship with one another that needed to be sorted out, disciplined, and reset for living together in righteousness and healing.
And Samuel said, “Gather all Israel to Mizpah, and I will pray to the Lord for you.” So they gathered together at Mizpah, drew water, and poured it out before the Lord. And they fasted that day, and said there, “We have sinned against the Lord.” And Samuel judged the children of Israel at Mizpah. 1 Samuel 7:5-6
During the time of the judges in Israel, there was no king or standing army to enforce the judgment that Samuel was doing. In addition, with his judgments, he would be giving out consequences for wrong behavior and requiring those who were guilty to restore to their victims what had been ruined. The people were voluntarily submitting themselves to the Lord's correction and discipline.
When we come to know Jesus as our Savior, He also must become our Lord and Judge. This process or submitting our whole lives under His scrutiny is sanctification. When we finally let Him be in charge, He sorts through our lives gradually, allowing us to “smell our dirty clothes,” and to get them ready to be used for good again, the way He originally intended us to be: “for by one sacrifice He has made perfect forever those who are being made holy.” Hebrews 10:14
Our submission to Jesus' Lordship and sanctifying work
gets us ready to be used!
When we come to God, His goal is not just to get rid of what is bad, but to restore to His original intention for us in His creation! He wants to bless us, and to cause us to be a blessing (Gen. 12:2):
And you He made alive, who were dead in trespasses and sins, in which you once walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit who now works in the sons of disobedience, among whom also we all once conducted ourselves in the lusts of our flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, just as the others. But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), and raised us up together, and made us sit together in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, that in the ages to come He might show the exceeding riches of His grace in His kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast. For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:1-10
You may have been living in defeat and despair in areas of your life. Maybe it was a relationship that you kept failing in. Or perhaps in your thought life that you faced continuous defeat. Sometimes they are addictions that make us feel hopeless. It could be a pattern of destructive criticism that you can't seem to break out of on your own.
While we live in submission to sin, appetites and fear, the enemy is not afraid of us. It is when we place our lives under the Lordship of Christ that the enemy gets terrified and feels he has to stop us:
When the Philistines heard that the children of Israel had gathered together at Mizpah, the lords of the Philistines went up against Israel. And when the children of Israel heard of it,they were afraid of the Philistines. So the children of Israel said to Samuel, “Do not cease to cry out to the Lord our God for us, that He may save us from the hand of the Philistines.” And Samuel took a suckling lamb and offered it as a whole burnt offering to the Lord. Then Samuel cried out to the Lord for Israel, and the Lord heard him. Now as Samuel was offering up the burnt offering, the Philistines drew near to battle against Israel. But the Lord thundered with a loud thunder upon the Philistines that day, and so confused them that they were overcome before Israel. And the men of Israel went out of Mizpah and pursued the Philistines, and drove them back as far as below Beth Car. Then Samuel took a stone and set it up between Mizpah and Shen, and called its name Ebenezer, saying, “Thus far the Lord has helped us.” So the Philistines were subdued, and they did not come anymore into the territory of Israel. And the hand of the Lord was against the Philistines all the days of Samuel. Then the cities which the Philistines had taken from Israel were restored to Israel, from Ekron to Gath; and Israel recovered its territory from the hands of the Philistines. Also there was peace between Israel and the Amorites. Samuel continued as Israel’s leader all the days of his life. From year to year he went on a circuit from Bethel to Gilgal to Mizpah, judging Israel in all those places. 1Samuel 7:7-16
When their enemy had heard of their repentance, the Philistines knew the God of Israel would hear His repentant people and start giving them victory. This battle was a last ditch effort to make the people of Israel afraid of obeying God. The Philistines thought that if they came en masse and showed a big, scary front, the people of Israel would do what they had always done before: cower, submit, and go back to captivity. But this time, the people of God's repentance and faith were complete.
Under Jesus' Lordship,
we should expect opposition, victory and complete restoration.
Because of Israel's determination to trust God and rely on Him to help them defeat their enemies, God gave them a complete victory in the very place where they had previously taken their debilitating defeat. As Ebenezer was the place of their defeat, so Ebenezer became their place of victory. Their Stone of Help.
Over the course of Samuel's lifetime, God gradually restored everything to His people that had been previously taken, restored peace to their land, and restored justice and righteousness in their country.
In our lives we have seen God restore broken relationships, addictions, families, churches and finances. We have seen Him heal hearts, bring freedom, joy and peace, and save us both in our problems as well as out of our problems. When we have cried out to Him from a place of submission, we have seen His hand work to deliver us again and again. We record these times as our "Stone of Help," memorials to show our children of the faithfulness of God to save.
I pray that you will trust in Christ to be both your Savior and your Lord. I pray that you submit yourself to His authority and judgment. And I pray that as you do so He will give you complete victory and restoration in all of your territory.
I look forward with joy to seeing your "Stone of Help," and to hearing your story!
but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin.
Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace,
that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.
Hebrews 4:15-20
Our usual routine is to walk a ways and then stop and sit on the logs and look around at our mountain view. But today, there was no place to sit. Every stump and log was still blackened with soot, and the charred oils in every stump would have stained our clothes.
As we came down through the scorched hillside back to our house, my son and I noticed the few little trees that had survived the heat and flames of our Canyon fire. They were all along the path.
First one, then another, and the more, with two black lines skirting in stark contrast along either side of the path. They were small trees that had been planted before the fire, but had lived through it unharmed.
It reminded me of one of my favorite passages that the Lord has brought to my mind many times when we have walked through trouble:
And He who formed you, O Israel:
“Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by your name;
You are Mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you.
When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned,
Nor shall the flame scorch you.
For I am the Lord your God,
The Holy One of Israel, your Savior."
Isaiah 43:1-3a
When I was little, I thought that meant I wouldn't suffer or live the pain of broken relationships, betrayal, oppression and dishonor. I didn't understand that when Jesus lived that life for me, He was also calling me to follow His example for love of others.
Now that I know Jesus better, I understand that when these painful things come, He will protect my spirit from bitterness, hatred, and pride, and give me the freedom to live life in the sweetness of His Spirit....of what is first pure, then peaceable, easy to be entreated, full of mercy and good fruits." James 3:17
My prayer for you today is that you live and abide in Jesus, under the covering of His precious blood, and come through each fire "unharmed." That the beauty of Christ would shine through you, so that when others see you walk out of your fire, they will say, "their hair was not singed, their clothes were not burned, and there was no smell of smoke on them." Daniel 3:27
By faith Abraham obeyed when he was called to go out to the place which he would receive as an inheritance. And he went out, not knowing where he was going. By faith he dwelt in the land of promise as in a foreign country, dwelling in tents with Isaac and Jacob, the heirs with him of the same promise; for he waited for the city which has foundations, whose builder and maker is God. Hebrews 11:8-10
My sister loved her home. I don't think I know anyone who has had such a dear affection for their home. It was a little nine hundred square foot place, two bedroom, one bath, with so little room that the bedrooms had pocket doors.
They lived just outside of town on a beautiful little property, with the sun rising above the misty hills, the llamas grazing peacefully. They had a flock of chickens, climbing trees for their boys, and a volleyball field. I remember admiring the sweet circle-stack of firewood my brother-in-law would create every year in preparation for winter with their warm and inviting wood stove.
Over the years, she enjoyed memories of birthing their babies in the home, with friends and family waiting to welcome each one.
Relationships were deepened, milestones were celebrated, love was shared, and memories were made that would never be forgotten.
But a few years back, God asked them to do a very hard thing.
He asked them to walk by faith.
I remember the tears and prayers and wrestlings that she shared with me, and how God sweetly and gently kept calling to her. I remember the day they finally sold their home, their non-portable possessions, and said goodbye to their family and friends.
As I was reading the passage in Hebrews this morning, I thought of my sister. Abraham's journey of faith to promise echoes in her life in a profound and meaningful way.
When Abraham was first called by God, he had a home, a city, a family and friends. He had a job, security and what he thought was a certainty in life.
But in order to gain an inheritance in a reality that is more real that anything that we call reality here, more valuable than anything we value now, Abraham had to leave.
I remember too, when we sold our first starter home, one we had long since outgrown. We had loved our home, but it was far too small for our large family, and we couldn't function properly in such a temporary space. We had always known it would be temporary, but the transition to our new home would be longer and more painful than we had envisioned. We knew though, that the only way we could ever move to our new place that fit our needs would be to leave the old. That transition was so very difficult because we had to trust that the next purchase wouldn't fall through.
We had to trust that the little we had left would be worth the leaving.
Whether physically, emotionally or spiritually, the walk of faith always requires that we leave what we have.
Leave our past with its failures, mistakes, sins and pain, leave our possessions in the hands of a God who in truth owns all of what we steward, and leave our places of reputation, security, ideals, and meticulously developed ambitions.
But God never asks us to leave anything without having somewhere to which He is leading us to go.
Our dear pastor recently retired, but this last Sunday he came back to preach while my brother took a rest with his family. In his sermon, he said, “For every departure there is an arrival.” He spoke of vacationing in Hawaii, where every morning he could see the plane taking off from the airport. Knowing the flight well himself, he knew the final destination: Oregon. Home. He knew that every time that airplane took off with its passengers, it was with the end landing in mind.
For Abraham, that destination looked uncertain. His route, the distance, the journey's length, and the final destination were all unknowns. They were unknown to him, but not unknown to God.
Personally, I have often questioned the route God is choosing for me. The distance, the journey's length...sometimes I really do not understand why God chooses certain relationships to have an impact on my soul. Why He doesn't act as quickly as I think would fit into my plans of how perfectly things should come together. I question sometimes if somehow He has forgotten me.
I had a few days this last year of that question battling around in my head. With all the unexpected twists and turns of following God, I wondered if somehow I had gotten off whatever path I was supposed to be on, and if He was still on that path--without me.
I smile even as I write it, because it sounds ridiculous now, but at the time it seemed very real. I couldn't see what He was doing, or even where He was. I didn't think that He had forsaken me, but I did think maybe I had somehow gotten lost off “The Plan.”
That day the Lord sent five different ways to tell me that He was with me and wouldn't leave me or forsake me. Some days I need a lot of underscoring!
But here's a comforting thought, and a true one:
The walk of faith always requires that we have uncertainty in the details.
Faith requires a going without knowing.
Now, as very hard as that is, I wish it were only as simple as that! Wouldn't it be nice and easy to just go...and then arrive, with no ellipsis in between? Those ellipses are some of the most difficult parts of our life sentences! Not only do they contain uncertainties, but they contain a wandering. They contain a sense of being in a foreign place.
One year I visited another of my sisters whose husband was in the military overseas. Since I knew we would try to travel together to sight-see, in preparation I studied the language, customs, culture and menus. I tried to prepare as much as possible for living temporarily in a nation in which I would not innately understand how to protect ourselves or to navigate.
On our first day, after waiting a sleepless 36 hours through a trans-atlantic flight, I arrived, met with my sister, and enjoyed a very caffeinated cup of espresso. Since I don't care for large cities, I had chosen a little village bed and breakfast in the mountains for our first night. We had to navigate the underground metro to some smaller cities, and then a bus station to take us farther into the mountains.
At first in the big cities, there were plenty of English speakers. But by the time we got to the smaller towns, and finally to the bus station, neither the station attendant nor any of the bus drivers understood English. I knew just enough of the language and maps to know that there was a little mountain village in the area called “Magno,” and that the one we were to arrive at was “Margno.” This unnerved me. I purchased “due biglietto,” and questioned repeatedly which bus of the many idling in the courtyard we were to get on. I asked the bus driver as well, who only responded with, “Si, si!”
As we wound our way up treacherously small and winding mountain roads, honking before every blind turn, I stayed on high alert for every bus stop, wondering if I had gotten us on the wrong bus and if we were about to have a much more adventurous vacation than I had hoped to plan.
After many small little stops, our bus stopped very momentarily at a small sign, “Margno.” We hurriedly got off and with a deep breath of relief found our way to a lovely bed and breakfast with a fantastic host—who also only spoke a few words of English.
While that experience held some excitement and a certain amount of anxiety, it does give me a good taste of what Abraham must have felt like dwelling in a strange land. Abraham lived the rest of his life dwelling in a place that he would “later receive as his inheritance.” Our language, our hopes, our eternal culture and perspectives, our values and our destinations feel unnatural to the world. We feel foreign.
In our faith journeys, the walk of faith always requires us to live as strangers.
For you who have read the story of Abraham in Genesis 12-25, you know that “later” did not mean while he was alive. While he lived, he was always a stranger in a strange land. And because of this, he had to wait.
Now, this “waiting” was not an inactive one. Waiting on God isn't like that. It does have an element of internal rest, but when God asks us to wait, there is an active participation in faith of physically setting in place the eternal boundaries of our inheritance.
If we go back to the whole story of Abraham in Genesis, we see God giving Abraham both the promise of his inheritance as well as an participatory action to accompany his wait:
"The LORD said to Abram, after Lot had separated from him, “Now lift up your eyes and look from the place where you are, northward and southward and eastward and westward; for all the land which you see, I will give it to you and to your descendants forever. “I will make your descendants as the dust of the earth, so that if anyone can number the dust of the earth, then your descendants can also be numbered. “Arise, walk about the land through its length and breadth; for I will give it to you.” Then Abram moved his tent and came and dwelt by the oaks of Mamre, which are in Hebron, and there he built an altar to the LORD." Genesis 13:14-17
So first, he was to look from where he was.
If we were to look from where we are, what would we see? Sometimes we get so caught up in our present situation and in our limitations, that we don't see what God wants to give us. In our place of waiting, we need to seek a vision for what God wants to do through us. Just like Abraham was to look “northward, southward, eastward, and westward,” so God wants us to look into every part of our lives and situations to see how He wants to bring it all under His rule and dominion, and to give it back to us as a permanent inheritance.
The next thing Abraham was asked to do was to physically walk through every part of what God had promised him, to establish a claim and a boundary around the entire inheritance.
Later on with Moses and then again with Joshua, God gave the same directive to the descendants of Abraham coming to receive the inheritance:
"Every place on which the sole of your foot treads shall be yours: from the wilderness and Lebanon, from the river, the River Euphrates, even to the Western Sea, shall be your territory." Deuteronomy 11:24
Something I learned recently in studying the land of Israel is that the people of Israel, when they walked through the land and took possession, remembered the promise of God by building the walls around their cities in a foot shape! Even today, from aerial shots you can still see the outlines of the foot-shaped walls around many of their cities.
In our journeys, the walk of faith always requires an active wait.
What vision do you see of what God wants to establish as your eternal inheritance? What obstacles, strongholds, and enemies of your faith do you see?
How can we tread on these places, making monuments to the grace of God in our lives, setting up boundaries and staking our claim on the areas that God wants to give us?
For me, I journal. I write. I set down the stories of what God has done, and the promises I believe God has given me.
Sometimes for us it means going to the painful areas of our lives with our families, with our marriages, with our ministries, and declaring God's sovereignty over those places.
It can mean staying in a painful relationship showing love, knowing that your love isn't reciprocated.
It can mean training and teaching our children to honor and love God by faith when we can't see the heart or life style changes yet.
Wherever we are on this journey, whether still reticent to leave, in the process of going, struggling with being a stranger, or learning to actively wait, we can be absolutely certain of the hope of what God has promised.
As we journey together on this walk of faith that inherits, “let us hold unswervingly to that hope, for He who promised is faithful.” Hebrews 10:23
"These all died in faith, not having received the promises, but having seen them afar off were assured of them, embraced them and confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth. For those who say such things declare plainly that they seek a homeland. And truly if they had called to mind that country from which they had come out, they would have had opportunity to return. But now they desire a better, that is, a heavenly country. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for He has prepared a city for them." Hebrews 11:13-16
Her words sank deeply into my soul and I went numb. Sitting in the over-crowded restaurant, her voice carried to the other tables. I could barely hold back my tears. I had no words, no response to the accusations.
The most difficult part of that conversation was hearing it play back in my mind for months afterward, and wondering...is it true?
Does God think of me that way?
Hannah felt that way. She was married to a Godly Israelite, an Ephraimite named Elkanah. But whereas I could get up from that table and walk out to my husband to be consoled, Hannah could not escape her rival. Peninnah was her husband's second wife, and all of their blended family's kids belonged to Peninnah.
Though Elkanah loved Hannah, her inability to conceive was a constant grief to her:
This man went up from his city yearly to worship and sacrifice to the Lord of hosts in Shiloh. Also the two sons of Eli, Hophni and Phinehas, the priests of the Lord, were there. And whenever the time came for Elkanah to make an offering, he would give portions to Peninnah his wife and to all her sons and daughters. But to Hannah he would give a double portion, for he loved Hannah, although the Lord had closed her womb. And her rival also provoked her severely, to make her miserable, because the Lord had closed her womb. So it was, year by year, when she went up to the house of the Lord, that she provoked her; therefore she wept and did not eat. Then Elkanah her husband said to her, “Hannah, why do you weep? Why do you not eat? And why is your heart grieved? Am I not better to you than ten sons?” 1 Sam. 1:3-8
In our culture it can be difficult to identify with Hannah's need to have children. Many times children are seen as a hindrance to the pinterest-perfect lives we desire for ourselves. But in Hannah's culture, they were highly valued and represented lineage, perpetuation of inheritances, and the favor of God. This had some verification in the Judaic law: God had made it clear that there would be the blessing of children for their people if they obeyed the law, and the curse of barrenness if they didn't (Deut. 28:18).
Even though this was a general blessing or curse upon the nation in generalities, rather than for specific individuals and their individual obedience, it was still seen as an evidence of ungodliness in a woman.
Peninnah had the reputation and physical evidence, her children, of being blessed and favored by God. However, even with that, she most likely was subject to jealousy of Hannah's favor with Elkanah. Personally, I can't imagine having to live with a rival wife without the struggle of pain and jealousy. But in Peninnah's case, she allowed her pain to produce a bitterness that wanted to inflict more pain on the subject of her bitterness—Hannah.
Additionally, judging by Elkanah's response to Hannah's tears, I expect that Penninah's provocative words were always said in private. No one could know what kind of a woman Peninnah was in secret. To the outside world, she may well have looked like the perfect wife of a great God-fearing man, with the blessings of a home and many children. She looked successful.
And Peninnah was successful--physically. By using her words, and perhaps other means, to rise to her position, she temporarily obtained what she sought. It seems that Peninnah had learned to place her value on her status as a wife and mother. But because of her abusive and bitter response to her painful circumstances, her character was not what God was looking for in someone he could bless with even greater success than what was physical—spiritual blessings. By the world, and even the church's standards, she would have been valued and honored. But by God's standards, who sees the heart and the hidden actions, she would be held to account.
At that time period, Israel had slipped into sin, immorality and corruption. Even the priest's own family failed to honor God. Outwardly they still practiced tabernacle worship and sacrifice, but it was so coupled with blatant immorality that God could no longer hear their prayers (Psalm 66:18). Knowing this, God waited for the people to return to Him in repentance so that He could hear them and enter into true relationship with them again.
So often in these divisive times, Peninnahs abound. Gossip, slander, accusations, fighting, hostile or subversive takeovers, scheming, treachery, fear and suspicion are rampant, and these tactics we find even creeping into the Church.
You may have found yourself acting like a Peninnah, as an unhealthy response to your own pain and unchecked bitterness or jealousy. Or perhaps you are suffering the abusive pain intentionally inflicted by someone else.
We all have pain.
What we do with our pain is what determines how God can use us.
In Hannah's pain, we don't see her retaliate. We don't see that she validated herself by explaining the situation to her husband, which could have potentially further exacerbated the issue. Most critically, we don't see her abandon her faith.
Instead, we see her turn to the only One who could meet her hidden soul need:
So Hannah arose after they had finished eating and drinking in Shiloh. Now Eli the priest was sitting on the seat by the doorpost of the tabernacle of the Lord. And she was in bitterness of soul, and prayed to the Lord and wept in anguish. Then she made a vow and said, “O Lord of hosts, if You will indeed look on the affliction of Your maidservant and remember me, and not forget Your maidservant, but will give Your maidservant a male child, then I will give him to the Lord all the days of his life, and no razor shall come upon his head.” 1 Samuel 1:9-11
Hannah's soul need wasn't children. We see in this passage that she was vowing to give the boy back to the Lord if he were to give her one. Hannah's soul need wasn't a husband—Elkanah already loved her and wished for her happiness and satisfaction in him.
But Hannah was already learning the painful lesson that physical blessings—a community, a home, a husband, and even children, could not satisfy the inner longing for the favor and relationship of God Himself.
Hannah needed to know that Peninnah's words were untrue. She needed to know that God saw her heart and was pleased with her.
We each have a hidden soul need to know that God is pleased with us.
In her abandonment, Hannah gave everything she had and would have to God. She surrendered her plans to His Plan. God's Plan then and His Plan now is to call us back to Him in repentance so that He can hear our cries and hold a deep and all-satisfying relationship with us. He looks for those hearts who are willing to surrender all to Him so that He can use us to bring divine relationship and healing to the hurting around us.
When Hannah was praying, God heard her heart; but the priest, who was corrupt, couldn't. There will always be people who misunderstand our heart's intent, even other Believers. Hannah's response, however, was humble, honoring to the priest, and truthful:
And it happened, as she continued praying before the Lord, that Eli watched her mouth. Now Hannah spoke in her heart; only her lips moved, but her voice was not heard. Therefore Eli thought she was drunk. So Eli said to her, “How long will you be drunk? Put your wine away from you!” But Hannah answered and said, “No, my lord, I am a woman of sorrowful spirit. I have drunk neither wine nor intoxicating drink, but have poured out my soul before the Lord. Do not consider your maidservant a wicked woman, for out of the abundance of my complaint and grief I have spoken until now.” Then Eli answered and said, “Go in peace, and the God of Israel grant your petition which you have asked of Him.” And she said, “Let your maidservant find favor in your sight.” So the woman went her way and ate, and her face was no longer sad. 1 Samuel 1:12-18
Once Hannah had received the confirmation of her favor in God's sight, she got up and was happy. There was nothing more with which Peninnah could taunt her. Her heart was healed of the pain of accusation. The God of the universe, her God, was pleased with her.
In the subsequent days Hannah would find God's promise to her cries fulfilled: A pregnancy, a birth, a baby boy. Hannah named him “Samuel,” meaning “God has heard.”
Samuel would become the prophet God would use to lead His people back in repentance to Himself. Through Samuel's ministry and righteous judgment, God established righteousness in their hearts through repentance and faith in which God would again hear and have relationship with His people.
When we rejoice in God's favor and salvation, we can smile even at our enemies.
It took me a year to work with the Lord through the words that were spoken over my life in someone's bitter pain and jealousy. As King Solomon put it: “Jealousy [is] as cruel as the grave; Its flames are flames of fire, A most vehement flame” Song of Solomon 8:6. As I read through Hannah's story, I could begin to see the pain between the lines of someone who would spend so much effort to put me in such pain. It gave me a different perspective: one that could let go of bitterness and anger and seek my satisfaction in God alone.
It also gave me a perspective that enabled me to pray for her: to pray that God would bless her; to pray that He would bring healing and fulfillment to those parts of her soul that were insecure and needed satisfaction; to pray that He would show her how her own bitterness and jealousy were causing destruction to her relationships; and to pray that He would bless her with His favor and pleasure as she turned to Him for her security and satisfaction and began to build healthy relationships.
In that process, I found the pleasure of God. Now when I hear those words echoing from the past, they don't have a hold on me. I can “smile” at her, hoping for the very best for her and those she cares about, knowing that God can sort out all things good and bad in His own time.
As we see in Hannah's story, if we use the painful situations and people in our lives to push us to the feet of our Savior, He will use it to bring restoration in ever-widening circles to those whose lives we touch. While we may never see here on earth the full and final result how God uses these things, we can be assured that in eternity we will be glad that we gave those things to the Lord:
And I heard a loud voice from heaven saying, “Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and He will dwell with them, and they shall be His people. God Himself will be with them and be their God. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.” Then He who sat on the throne said, “Behold, I make all things new.” And He said to me, “Write, for these words are true and faithful.”
With Hannah we can say, “I smile at my enemies, because I rejoice in Your salvation.”
“My heart rejoices in the Lord;
My horn is exalted in the Lord.
I smile at my enemies,
Because I rejoice in Your salvation.
“No one is holy like the Lord,
For there is none besides You,
Nor is there any rock like our God.
“Talk no more so very proudly;
Let no arrogance come from your mouth,
For the Lord is the God of knowledge;
And by Him actions are weighed.
“The bows of the mighty men are broken,
And those who stumbled are girded with strength.
Those who were full have hired themselves out for bread,
And the hungry have ceased to hunger.
Even the barren has borne seven,
And she who has many children has become feeble.
“The Lord kills and makes alive;
He brings down to the grave and brings up.
The Lord makes poor and makes rich;
He brings low and lifts up.
He raises the poor from the dust
And lifts the beggar from the ash heap,
To set them among princes
And make them inherit the throne of glory.
“For the pillars of the earth are the Lord’s,
And He has set the world upon them.
He will guard the feet of His saints,
But the wicked shall be silent in darkness.
“For by strength no man shall prevail.
The adversaries of the Lord shall be broken in pieces;
From heaven He will thunder against them.
The Lord will judge the ends of the earth.
“He will give strength to His king,
And exalted the horn of His anointed.”
2 Samuel 2
Do you live in peace, or anxiety? When you are awake at night, do fearful thoughts of what the future holds cycle you down in ever increasing worry?
How can we live in peace in our spirits in a world filled with fearful, stressful and anxiety producing problems?
How can we live in peace with our neighbors during such division and frustration?
For me, I have found the answer in Jesus, the Prince of Peace. He said that in Him, we would have a peace that "passes all understanding."
But how does that work out practically? What steps does Jesus give that we can follow into living in peace, both within ourselves, and with our families and neighbors?
In my devotions this morning, Philippians 2:6-9 jumped out at me:
"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication,
with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;
and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding,
will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."
First, whatever we are anxious about, we bring in prayer and requests to God, and we thank Him for all He has done, and is doing and will continue to do bring about good and salvation for the world, and to form us more and more into His likeness!
But secondly, and this isn't to be skipped, are the next verses that I have been meditating on for the last year. I was reminded of it by my dear sister, and it continues to bless and encourage me when so many things in life NOT worth meditating on threaten to destroy my peace in Jesus:
The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do,
nd the God of peace will be with you."
Philippians 4:8-9
As hard as it is to not meditate on bad reports, impure actions from others, lies, and ignoble things done around us, if we focus on these things instead of our our all-powerful God who remains triumphant in all things, (yes, even bad leadership!) we will only give in to increased anxiety and stress.
But if we place our hope firmly and unshakably on the joy set before us because of Jesus' work on the cross, we have reason to be joyful in all things, and the "Peace of God will guard our hearts and minds!"
May you live joyfully, hopefully and peace-filled this week as your focus on the victory and triumph of Jesus in all things!
The chaos, the noise, the mess. There are always those hours when the kids’ energy soars, and they have to get it out somehow...running, jumping, yelling. Nothing’s out of their idea box.
With as many things as we’ve gone through this year, including a wildfire, evacuation, Covid isolation, as well as other personal tragedies (You can all relate, it’s 2020, of course there will be more!), needless to say, my levels of optimism were drastically reduced.
Some things bother me more than others, but one of the things at the top of my list is a lack of order. I really struggle with joy when things are chaotic, when we lack routine, and when I can’t see clearly to a way to make any legitimate and healthy goals.
The stress and unhealthy survival skills were clearly getting to me, and a week ago I started crying out to God, “Please! Give me a way to have joy in this! Whatever the secret is to being content in this circumstance, I need it desperately!”
I was remembering Paul’s verses to the Philippian church:
What could possibly be the secret to a life of satisfaction and joy in the middle of such misery?
The very morning that I prayed those words in my desperation, my father sent me an unexpected text. He said that I had come to his mind in his devotion that morning, which had been on suffering and hope, and that he hoped the verse would give me encouragement and help me to stand against the “prevailing winds.”
Of course I wanted to see the verse! When the Holy Spirit tells someone to send something to me, it is always exactly what I need to hear!
“It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees.”
Psalm 119:71
Do you know what that word “good” means in this verse? It means to delight, to take pleasure in. The word “learn” means in the original Hebrew to exercise and practice.
So I am to take great delight in each frustration or grief in the middle of something that is difficult, because it gives me the opportunity to practice and exercise what God commands:
Love. Patience. Perseverance. Self-control. Peace. Gentleness. Kindness. Faithfulness. Joy.
When my kids are losing it (because they’re in a frustrating time too!), I get a great opportunity to practice love.
When our refi fails because of the wildfires, I get a great opportunity to show trust in my loving heavenly Father to my kids.
When someone accuses me falsely, I get a great opportunity to show the love and forgiveness of Jesus.
Without these opportunities, love wouldn’t shine. Jesus wouldn’t shine through me.
2 Corinthians 4:6
But I do want to tell you, I have felt such a tremendous amount of JOY as I have put this into practice this week.
Learning to delight in the difficult is what brings contentment.
My prayer for you is that you learn to delight in the difficult.
That you can trust God enough to know that He does all things for your good.
That you would use these situations to give Him glory, to show love, and to let Christ shine out of darkness.
A few years ago, we lived in a very small house with lots of kids. Our kitchen was falling apart, quite literally, and as each cupboard door fell off I tried very hard to keep my hopes up and to save a mere $150.
I thought that if I could do that, maybe Jeff could build us some very cheap shelves and we could just store all of our kitchen items on those shelves. It wouldn't be pretty, but we could be content. I just wanted to take care of my family.
In John 6, we see Jesus' disciples in a similar situation. Jesus had told them to go across the lake without Him. They'd obeyed. Willingly, they'd started across without Him.
got into the boat, and went over the sea toward Capernaum.
And it was already dark, and Jesus had not come to them.
Then the sea arose because a great wind was blowing.
So when they had rowed about three or four miles...."
John 6:6-19
So many times, I have found life so difficult that no matter how I struggle and work, I am just not enough. The pressure, the chaos, the sheer unpredictability of life-- its just too much. I can't reach where I need to go. I can't even finish obeying God, because as much as I try with all my strength, I'm just not strong enough.
But in Mark 6:48, we see the verse, "Then He saw them straining at rowing, because the wind was against them".
In the dark, all night long, Jesus is watching.
He always sees me in my struggle, and He knows just exactly when is the time to come.
After an entire night of trying to get across, I'm sure they were charting their rate. I always do. I always look at my rate of progress and try to project how long it will take me to reach my goals based on the rate at which I am going! I try to predict my outcome based on my experiences in the moment.
In the dark, since I can't see Jesus helping me, I sometimes base my faith on what I can see. But what I can see really isn't faith at all. "Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things NOT seen," we are told in Hebrews. So when I chart my progress on the rates I can see, when I track Jesus' care on the darkness around me, I miss the Unseen. I miss what He has planned to do, and what He is already doing.
they saw Jesus walking on the sea and drawing near the boat;
and they were afraid."
John 6:19
I have.
Our kitchen sink stopped up with a clog. Jeff stayed home to fix it, and poured the Drano down. But rather than fix it, it ate a hole through the rusty pipe and down across our flooring, eating into the floor. A few hours later our kitchen was demolished, our cupboards sitting on our driveway, in pieces.
But I thought I could still fix it. It would work out, because I had saved $150. I could handle this.
I went to the lumber store with my $150. It wasn't even enough for basic wood. I cried. I felt so deserted, so abandoned. I felt like God wasn't keeping His promises to me.
Later, I went to the grocery. I had promised to pick up the groceries for a church meal, for which I would get reimbursed. As I stood in line with the food, I suddenly realized that at the grocery chain I prefer because it seems cheapest to me, I couldn't use my debit card. I had to use the last $150 of our money, and wait to get reimbursed. My heart sunk as I purchased the food. Now I could do absolutely nothing to help ourselves.
My last hope in my own resources was completely wiped out.
I said, "No, God, this is too much. Why are You doing this to me? Why aren't You helping me??"
I didn't recognize Jesus when He came walking to help me. Instead, I felt a deep, gut wrenching fear.
But He said to them, “It is I; do not be afraid.”
Then they willingly received Him into the boat,
and immediately the boat was at the land where they were going.
John 6:20-21
Jesus is there.
Have you ever noticed the miracle that comes next? We miss it sometimes, because Jesus has just walked on tempestuous waters. It's so amazing that the next words can be passed over so easily, but I want us to notice them: "immediately the boat was at the land where they are going."
The storm's difficulty couldn't stop Jesus.
The darkness couldn't stop Jesus.
The rate didn't stop Jesus.
As soon as Jesus decided to be at their destination, they were.
Their trial was done. Immediately.
I cried and cried, and I wrote down our hopelessness in my journal. It was the darkest night I've ever had trusting and doubting the Lord.
I couldn't imagine why God wouldn't help me if I was obeying Him. I couldn't see Him helping me.
That week, I saw God's goodness.
Our insurance paid not only for the broken cabinets, but for a complete redo of our kitchen, finally enabling us to sell and to purchase a home large enough for our large family. Everything was taken care of, down to the last detail. Because of a broken pipe.
Because of the thing I thought was the last straw, Jesus answered my need.
I saw Him come and rescue me, and then I was glad to have Him come into my boat.
But what about the next time we are in darkness?
What about the next time we can't see His watch-care over us, and we try so very hard to obey in circumstances that seem to be in hopeless?
Will we trust Him when we can't see what He is doing?
Will we welcome even the fearful, knowing that our loving Friend uses even things that terrify us to do good to us?
Perhaps the very thing that we have been praying for can only be accomplished through the thing we fear most. Can we give that to His loving hands too?
Will we welcome Him into our boat before we can see with our eyes the benefit He is doing?
I am going to. What I fear most, I will take as His gracious and loving purpose for me. I hope and pray that you do too.
"And we know that all things work together
for good to those who love God,
to those who are the called according to His purpose."
Rom 8:28
who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord's glory,
are being transformed into His image with ever-increasing glory,
which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit."
2 Corinthians 3:18
As I thought about that, I thought again how much we as Christians are just that. We don't create any of our own light. We can only reflect our Savior Jesus and His truth, love, beauty and mercy to the world around us. And how desperately the darkness of our world, with hate, violence, evil and lies needs to see that!
But in order to reflect Him accurately, we need repentance. Daily repentance. It's a word that makes people angry sometimes. But the Greek word, "metanoia" just means "repentance, a change of mind, change in the inner man." To, after thinking about what we know of God, change our mind to agree with what He says harms His most valuable creation--us. What should anger us about that?
I know that I often find that I am convicted when I speak harshly to my kids, and realize that I've just hurt them in my selfishness or pride. So I repent. I say, "you're right, Father, that was wrong. Please help me not to do that again," and I ask their forgiveness too.
And then I practice doing what is right. Because I love God, and because I love you all. I don't want to cause harm. I want to build and not tear people down.
Whoever practices righteousness is righteous, as he is righteous."
1 John 3:7
That's the beauty of the gospel!
The more we practice, the more we reflect Him accurately. The more we spend time with Him and in reading the Bible, the more we get to know what He is really like!
Just like my kids practice being like Jeff and I and have a ways to go to maturity, so do I. But I love my heavenly Father! So it is a joy to become like Him.
Ps. 17:15
Author
Halley Faville lives with her husband and children in their mountain home in Oregon.
As a homeschooling mother of 7 children, she enjoys spending her free time in language arts, music, art, and outdoor activities.
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